Empower to Inspire

Ironman Wisconsin (IMWI) 2019 Journey Stream of Consciousness

As I reflect on Ironman Wisconsin I find myself realizing that this race is a true testament to overcoming our greatest vulnerabilities. Mentally sitting with your thoughts for hours on end while swimming 2.4mi, biking 112mi, and running a marathon (26.2mi) while remaining vigilant in each sport teaches athletes the power of mental fortitude (strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage). When faced with incremental unexpected adversities I was reminded of the unpredictability when experiencing the slightest confounding factors. The months of diligent and onerous training is similar, making the task of simply showing up to the starting line half the battle. All the dedication, determination, and grit was worth it in the end regardless of the outcome.

All in all, I feel honored, humbled, and grateful to have finished my 11th overall IM race since starting this journey in 2012 (3rd full Ironman, 5th Half Ironman, 3rd Olympic; not to mention numerous sprint distance races). I’m particularly proud of my perseverance after incurring unexpected injuries this season – especially perplexing after the previous injury-free season with the exception of continuing to manage medical symptoms related to endometriosis. Similarly I’ve been ecstatic to dial in on my health and well-being with whole foods plant-based (WFPB) nutrition and cessation of alcohol for over 6 months, which ameliorated the severity/intensity of endometriosis and helped me lose upwards of 10lbs (Note: I continue to treat myself with enjoyable and healthy processed vegan options when eating out since I’m generally quite devoted to WFBP nutrition and holistic means of treating conditions).

Following a minor bike accident and ski injury in December 2018, I experienced a crescendo of events that led to challenges getting my knees fully rehabilitated. I fell off my bike into the gravel at 22 mi/hour on my right side in an attempt to avoid a car backing into me and incurred a couple of large gashes on my shin (stitches were indicated) and hamstring; each required the painful and dreadful scrubbing/sanitation at an urgent-care. Afterward, I was compensating while skiing over the holiday and injured my left knee. Thankfully I was still able to enjoy the holiday and reuniting with a dear college buddy and her family visiting from Australia. Correspondingly, I was terribly disappointed that I’d miss out on a Team SFQ (my main support crew for the past year) New Year’s Eve 10K swim. However, when I reached out to our lovely organizers and the founders of SFQ, I was welcomed with open arms to participate in any way feasible. Hilary Biscay was incredibly compassionate and shared that she was nursing a foot injury and could show me ways to protect my knee from further impact. I’m so thrilled to have found the gumption to participate as I found the experience incredibly inspiring. I proved to myself that I was capable of accomplishing whatever I set my mind to – completing one my longest swims to date (7,800yds).

While I was grateful to rely on swimming during the first few months of rehabilitation, running required a progressive steady strategy. Hence, my first race of the year, Carlsbad half-marathon (January), involved minimal training and led to inevitable increased pain and taught me once again that I needed to focus on more rehab and strength training; while also stunned by my ability to break 2 hours on the race. When the pain didn’t subside, I decided to seek a specialty orthopedic consult and was relieved to learn that I didn’t appear to have a torn ligament or major damage; likely a strain that they recommended treating with a steroid shot and regular PT. The orthopedic specialist indicated that he wouldn’t suggest any more than one shot and that if it didn’t get better we’d need to consider further assessment (MRI). In hindsight, I ought to have held off with the shot following our March race since my left knee was pretty stiff after the shot and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to participate; it was even difficult to swim which was unusual.

Our March race was Superseal in San Diego. Upon additional swim sets and loosening my knee for the race, I found myself feeling pretty good and strong for the first time since the accidents (credited to increased strength training with a regular kettle-bell class and focusing on stair climber exercises to build my quads/hamstrings and muscles around the knees). At the same time, I was being mindful not to push it and found myself nursing the knees a bit. My husband (Matt) and I were ecstatic to break 3 hours and PR on the course, eager to get even better since we really enjoy this triathlon distance; we enjoyed the added bonus of running together for the first time in a while on a race-course. The beauty of sprint and Olympic distance triathlons is that you tend to recover immediately, the race simply takes up half the morning, and the rest of the day can be enjoyed going on additional adventures. We also cultivate from the half ironman distance for that reason since we tend to feel fairly good without getting completely wrecked afterward. At the same time, I continued to remind myself that our first full Ironman in Arizona came with unexpected weather (30-degree winds and cooler temps on the run) that led to substantial discomfort. However, our second full Ironman in Boulder felt pretty good overall considering the course and altitude – fortunately, we felt prepared for the conditions after living in CO for 9 previous years. I, therefore, remained optimistic about IMWI……..

In the midst of training, races, and fulfilling continued dual roles at work, I continued pursuing a lifelong career goal to become board certified in clinical psychology by the ABPP. The year leading up to my oral exam at the end of March included the completion of my written exam and submission of two clinical videotapes. When I learned that I’d passed the written exam and would proceed immediately to the oral examination in Seattle, Washington (last hurdle in the process) I was thrilled beyond belief as this was my ultimate career aspiration since my inception into the field over eighteen years ago. I compare my 3+ hour oral exam to mentally arduous triathlon training sessions. At the same time, I genuinely enjoyed the collaboration with my committee members and welcomed the critiques, challenging questioning, and intense self-reflection that has helped me become a better clinician, supervisor, and leader. Admittedly I was flooded with emotions afterward given the hundreds of hours dedicated to preparation and uncertainty of the outcome for several days. I was still determined to enjoy my weekend in Seattle. Little did I know that there was a family scheme occurring to surprise me in the midst of my post-oral exam melt-down. Upon deciding to change hotels (the exam occurred in a hotel near the airport) and enjoy downtown for a few days, my mum arrived as a surprise to join in the celebrations for the remainder of the weekend. She joined me in a pre-planned team SFQ meetup that weekend. It was a lovely shift to meet new team SFQ ladies and their family members who were so thoughtful to join us for a sunny afternoon lunch. Each opportunity to meet new team members are moments I’ll forever cherish. My mom and I enjoyed several plant-based restaurants that weekend and decided to celebrate my accomplishment regardless of the outcome since I wouldn’t have the official results for at least a week.

Thereafter, I found myself seeking a peloton bike in the hotel to catch a couple of training rides due to a brief hiatus from my usual schedule while studying and prepping for the oral exam. My zest for biking, swimming, and running became clear throughout the examination process. My examiners were pleasantly surprised to hear that I was able to balance Ironman training, actively participate with fellow strong female team members, maintain a leadership role in a demanding military setting, and set the precedence for practicing what I preach about mind/body holistic health/well-being.

Needless to say, training gradually reached a heavier level of intensity compared to previous months. Next up was reaching a fitness goal, after making a promise to myself on NYE, in May to complete a 10,575yd swim. I was blown away by my capacity and improvements with swimming after taking a 10-year hiatus following years of competition and getting burned out – turning to teach/coach for many years before returning to the love of the sport. Unfortunately, I allowed an old school, pessimistic, male athlete-focused HS coach negatively affect me after spending endless practice hours at the pool. With that said, I was still able to earn a swimming scholarship; quite an accomplishment after turning my life around with swimming and focusing on academics midway through high school. Much to my dismay, I chose an academic institution scholarship over the sports scholarship while continuing to swim with master’s teams for a few years before focusing on coaching/teaching swimming to children at the JCC from 16-22+ years of age. I cherish memories from my experiences at the JCC and time in my life. In particular, I’ve maintained relationships with several families and was entrusted to be a nanny to a few families. I’ve been grateful to recently attend weddings for a couple of beautiful ladies I had the honor of coaching and being a nanny to through college.

The next big race, IM Santa Rosa 70.3 (July), was a planned build-up before IMWI (Sept) coupled with numerous rehearsals thereafter. I was feeling healthy and prevailing with many hours, miles, and training. We were also thrilled to take a mini-vacation to see the beautiful Big Sur Coast. I felt great on race day and didn’t experience any major setbacks until the end of the half marathon run while attempting to maintain a solid pace in 94-degree weather conditions. I was determined to run the entire race and only stopped at aid stations to cool off with ice/water and take in nutrition (usually I’m only able to suck on oranges, eat a few grapes, and drink water; all other options aren’t usually digestible for me by that point in the race). While my right knee started to bother me slightly and I could feel something was off with my left big toe, I pushed through the pain and kept going with hopes of getting a PR, which I accomplished. I felt inspired by the PR and knew I could improve with time/training (I hoped to break 3 hours on the bike and came so close at 3:11:57; I also wanted to break 30 min on the swim coming close at 35:12; I must say that T1 is no joke running up a long boat ramp to the bikes; and I wanted to break 2 hours on the run and came pretty close at 2:10:58). Likewise, it was such a pleasure to celebrate my husband’s PR on the bike course – he demonstrates admirable strength and determination with those quadzillas from playing hockey his entire life and professionally.

After soaking in the Santa Rosa race, scenery, and lovely plant-based refueling we were tenuously pleased to take a brief break while enjoying our coastal trip. Napa, Monterrey, Big Sur, Santa Cruz, etc. lived up to the stunning reputation. My worries about missing a few days of training subsided when I realized there were at least two months left to build for IMWI, my muscle memory was strong, and honing in on PT stretches helped immensely – especially since my right knee was strained due to overcompensating. Even more surprising was my left big toe that was bruised/discolored after the race. I believe almost losing my toenail was related to forgetting to trim them even though they weren’t long in the first place combined with swelling from the heat. I also wasn’t able to run long training distances before the race, which made for an arduous pounding of the toes/feet/etc. I suppose my sleep also became the priority given that we’d have an early rise for the shuttle from downtown to the lake. Therefore, the added relief of taking a break was the probable prevention of total nail loss. Additionally, taking the time to honor our 8th wedding anniversary (and 12 years together) was an absolute pleasure; we enjoyed celebratory vegan sushi in San Francisco and countless additional specialty plant-based meals thanks to the Happy Cow app that we use to find places nearby anytime we travel.

Once we returned from the high of IMSR70.3 and superb vacationing, I hit training head-on and was feeling resilient. The 20+ hours a week of training was exhausting yet invigorating. As the bike rides got longer, I was noticing improvements with my pace and decreased levels of exertion (increased tolerance); my typical test was to see how long/far I could keep up with Matt or miles covered when spinning indoors (attempting to maintain 20 mi/hr). At this point, it was great to pair up with a few triathletes at the gym and train with a spin and kettlebell-kombine(KBK) instructor who was preparing for the ride across America race (RAAM) – good motivation to observe someone putting in close to 100mi/day. I found the build manageable and was feeling confident about keeping up with Kona qualifiers, nearing the best shape of my life (swimming 10K+ a week, averaging 100+ bike miles/week, and attempting to manage moderate run distance coupled with increased stair climbing and KBK for muscle strength); realizing I was capable of more and that Ironman was about obtaining years of experience and treating each race as lessons learned. It was refreshing to connect with like-minded athletes given that we found ourselves unable to afford a coach due to the increased cost of living in CA, Matt’s transition to contract work and coaching gig, and the recent purchase of a Tesla coupled with the cost of Ironman races/gear/etc. (interesting side note: in all actuality, the Tesla costs were equal, if not less, to our previous vehicle when you compare the cost of gas, oil changes, etc.).

The two months leading up to IMWI I was grateful and proud to be in excellent overall health and reach a level of tolerated fitness (one exception was running as the longer mileage continued to be slightly challenging). We were eager for the two-week taper as we reached a peak and the need to dial back, focus on increased sleep (preparation for the deprivation experienced as you near race day), prepare our gear/bike transportation/etc. During the last minute preparations, it felt like things were going smoothly and we attempted to focus on increased stretching to include yoga and mindfulness training (a ritual I was yearning for during post-race recovery). When race week arrived, we were ready with the exception of a recent weather update that included the high probability of rain on race day. We were, therefore, able to include gear that would keep us warm on the bike/run. Travels and bike/gear transport went smoothly; though I’m not sure we factored in the substantial impact of the two hour time change and getting to the hotel late Thursday night after driving from Chicago to Madison (albeit the benefit was finding a rural vegan brewery that was well worth the stop to enjoy great food and company). We chose this route of travel since flights were substantially cheaper, which is important when race expenses can be exorbitant. After letting ourselves sleep in a bit on Friday before the plan to check-in and make sure our bikes were safe and sound with tri-bike, I began to notice slight chest pain that I chalked up to travels, change in sleep, and ironman nerves. At the same time, it was slightly nerve-wracking since my dear mum has been experiencing heart issues for the past few months with an upcoming surgery – while I was quite sympathetic to it all and feeling somewhat troubled about not being present for all her procedures, the sympathy pains were a bit extraordinary; my mind was put at ease with the fact that our dear family friend (Shauna was generously present for my mum and dad throughout the process for which I’m eternally grateful). Needless to say, this was a very unusual symptom that didn’t exactly help with all that was required for check-in, warming up, etc. I, therefore, took it easier than usual and tried to simply be in the moment and enjoy an epic meet up with my amazing teammates – Smashfestqueens (SFQ). This uplifting meet up was positively distracting and helped me completely forget about the complicated factors leading up to race day. Additionally, we were driven by multitasking since we needed a few more items for fueling before and after the race that we obtained at Whole Foods on our way to the hotel that was located 15 min away (Middleton) from the finish line in Madison. Furthermore, Matt’s hockey buddy (Ben – his lovely wife, Erica, and three kiddos were joining him the next day and would be out on the racecourse cheering us all on) from college joined us for dinner the night prior when we enjoyed many laughs and sarcastically reminding him that he suggested this race for his first-time IM.

Finally, in the hours leading up to race day, the knee pain seemed to subside (forgetting about my chest pain that less noticeable on Saturday) and I simply let go of any preconceived expectations. While I set lofty goals for myself and hoped to finish in under 14 hours, I understood that would include cutting my swim by five + minutes, completing the ride in under 7 hours, and running in less than 5 hours (shaving 50 min off my best IM time while being realistic about the fact that this was merely my 3rd ironman; though not taken for granted). Saturday came quickly as we checked in our bikes and bike/run gear bags. Getting everything settled in the transition areas, inside the convention center, was quite unique as we were used to outdoor changing tents/T1 and T2. Considering the spiral parking ramps that we’d be running up after the swim and biking down to begin the ride was initially tough to wrap our minds around, though we quickly became familiar during the two-day check-in process and listening to the athlete briefing. It was traversed regularly to obtain our bikes and enjoy a refreshing practice swim in Lake Monona. Saturday was a beautiful sunny day, making the chilly water temps (69 degrees) without a wet suit on seem manageable. The more daunting aspect was visualizing the yellow, orange, and red buoys that seemed miles away. I kept rehearsing, this is just another 4200yd practice swim that you’ve been doing three times/week. It was also a relief to know that it wouldn’t be a mass swim start; rather a rolling swim-start when swimmers place themselves in anticipated finish times with hopes of pacing/drafting/etc.

Naturally, our sleep was fairly restless the night before IM following the typical rituals of putting on race number tattoos, showering, stretching, watching a movie, and getting the last minute items in our special needs bags. We made valiant attempts to turn in at 1800 for the 0330 wakeup call! Excitement kept me wide awake until 2300 after resting early in the evening for an hour or so. When the alarm went off we were running on very little sleep yet it was race day and go time. We tried to snooze once and then dragged our bodies out of bed for the usual oatmeal, coffee, gathering water bottles and such. We drove to the nearby shuttle parking lot that took us directly to the capitol where we dropped off our special needs bags. Fortunately, there was also a Starbucks open where I was able to use the washroom (usually a three-time ritual of mine before races). It was off to the races with last-minute bike/transition bag prep. We decided to remain indoors where it was warm to put on our wetsuits and get our swim gear ready (caps/goggles/ear-plugs/etc.). We followed fellow teammates (Amy and Dave who are expert residents after doing IMWI 11 times – they were an inspiration and absolutely crushed the race – earning Kona slots). Making our way down to the water, we ran into Ben and had a few laughs before making our way to the water – not realizing there were barricades surrounded by lines of spectators and athletes. I, therefore, decided to say my goodbyes with lofty hopes of getting into the 1:15-1:20 finish time (important note: I’m super impressed with Matt’s incredible improvements with swimming after I had the honor of teaching him swimming techniques in 2013, not an easy feat to learn as an adult; he’s picked it up so quickly that he nearly beats me now!). Matt and I embraced and wished each other luck before I was lifted over the fencing and waited for the quintessential buzzer – before entering the water, I was honored to give Mike Riley (infamous IM announcer) a high five (hoping for good luck while knowing the day ahead was unpredictable).

Initially, at the start of the swim, I was feeling decent, shocked that I wasn’t freezing, and pleased to find a rhythm. Seeing the crowds lined up and down the waterfront and in the Monona terrace (transition station) was inspirational. While the water initially felt fairly choppy (similar to our practice ocean swims), I didn’t anticipate the conditions worsening. As soon as I hit the first red buoy, indicative of a left turn, the waves started to pick up quite a bit and by the second turn for the long return back across the lake was insurmountable. After the race I overheard someone describe the swim as a washing machine, which resonated with my experience. Similalry the next day, Ben shared that he overheard a SUP volunteer rescued a Kyaker due to sinking from the waves. Therefore, I was shocked to learn the next day that I completed the swim in 1:19:08 and noticed on my Garmin that I clocked 200 additional yards – not surprising given the waves and difficulty spotting and maintaining a straight line. Overall, I was ecstatic to have simply finished and prevent hypothermia. I also now know if I’d been able to keep a straight line and there were usual conditions, I likely could have kept my goal of finishing under 1:15. Upon exiting the swim, I was proud to be surrounded by green caps – indicative of swimming in a crowd of men and holding my own. The wetsuit stripper volunteers (tough yet fun job – they were fantastic managing a challenge of getting me out of the suit as soon as humanly possible) were ready even as I shared that my zipper latch broke. It took a minute to get the broken zipper pulled down and then the seal flopping was on as I laid on the ground and they yanked the suit off with full force…… It was a sprint up the helix to T1 and crowds were unreal, lining every step of the way roaring for the athletes.

My sprint up the helix felt great. I was on a mission to save as much time as possible given that biking is usually my weakest sport and I needed any advantage I could gain. After picking up my bike transition bag and going into the women’s changing area, a phenomenal efficient volunteer immediately grabbed my bag. She literally dressed me as she noticed my hands were somewhat frozen and I needed to take in some calories/fluids due to already being depleted from the swim. She said, ‘you’re not messing around and mean business’ and I thanked her several times profusely for making the day brighter with kindness and support. Once I pulled on a second bike short layer, hand warmers, gloves (anticipating cold temps and possible rain), helmet, glasses, etc., I ran to the porta john for what I hoped would be one of just a few stops on the course. There was a bit of a long run from the transition to my bike, though the positive distraction once again of the crowds was inspiring. A volunteer handed me my bike and it slightly slipped out of my control for a second while trying to run near the mounting area since I was trying to balance fluid intake with ingestion of a microbar – not an easy feat in biking shoes. At the mounting line, our unbelievable Team SFQ spectathletes were there to take pictures/videotape and provide cheers of encouragement as the long journey of the day began. I grinned from ear to ear with my mouth full while still chewing on my bar. I did a quick check of my tires, chain, etc. given that I had a few mishaps on prior races. Thankfully everything looked good and I began carefully navigating the downward spiral helix to the road.

It was visibly overcast when I set off on the bike course. There were quite a few tight turns to navigate and single file riding at the start that required attentiveness. It was also my chance to get ahead of the pack as much as possible on what they called the ‘lollipop handle’ before the two-loop course (ironically my knees were sore at the beginning of the ride, likely related to the cold weather, though they seemed to loosen up midway into the course). As an aside, usually, we have a chance to drive the course beforehand. With our increased demands we were solely able to drive parts of the course. It was probably okay since it may have spooked me more. I’m typically a visual person who likes to see the entire course before race day. We heard from many peeps that it was a ‘hilly’ course, though it wasn’t anything like I anticipated. In my estimation, for CO friends that have done the exceptionally demanding e-rock century ride, I felt the two were similar. Both courses filled me with anguish, given that I’m better at flats with moderate climbs, coupled with pushing myself into survival fight mode. The challenging climbs were definitely more manageable with the ‘Tour de France’ wall to wall crowds that were unreal and created an awesome visual rather than looking at the daunting hills ahead. I was even more surprised to learn afterward that the crowds weren’t as large compared to the usual due to weather conditions. Even more exciting was seeing our phenomenal team SFQ spectathletes on the bike course – especially on one of the toughest hill climbs.

Similar to the swim course, the bike course started out fairly smooth. Initially, I thought it was actually a good sign that I needed to use the porta-john again at the first aid station – set up every 15 miles. My goal is to usually drink at least 1-2 bottles of water with electrolytes so I can refuel and ask for bananas. I usually prefer my personally chosen bars/energy blocks/etc. Once again, the volunteers proved to be superb and accessible for racking my bike, providing refueling, and much more. I made it a point to thank each and every volunteer that helped me since it meant a great deal. Perhaps my recollection of volunteering the year before our first ironman in Arizona makes it that much more meaningful. Volunteering is a rewarding yet tough job to meet the demands of various athletes.

After the quick pit stop, I was back on the saddle and hoping to get back on my 17 mi/hr pace with aspirations of hitting previous training speeds (20 mi/hr). However, my mind, body, inclement weather, and race-course had another plan in place for me. Thereafter, I was surprised with my need to use the porta-john at each aid station, an unusual circumstance as I’m usually pleased to hit 2-3 or less. At first, I chalked it up to being slightly over-hydrated and my body’s way of coping with the challenging conditions. However, by the 4th-5th stop, I knew my biking goal was crushed and I’d be well over my estimated time. In addition, the chest pain started to creep up around the 4th steep climb, which I figured was due to the tight grasp of my handle-bars for the descents and ascents.

There were definitely some exciting downhill descents that I enjoyed, however, I was extra cautious due to seeing multiple bikers crash, lose large items in front of other bikers causing a swerve effect, and numerous reckless riders that worried me – especially knowing about several peers who were recently involved in crashes due to other riders and/or automobiles. My own nerves after a bike accident early in the year probably exacerbated my cautiousness. I simply wanted to have a clean/safe ride without any major injuries or mechanical issues (usually the biggest fear is getting a flat tire; fortunately we found a tire sealant and inflator product for emergencies called gup that set my mind at ease). I must say there were a few gracious riders who would see me look back before a steep descent and relay either a nonverbal message or directly said ‘not to worry’ as a way of sharing they too were being careful and looking out for other riders – a huge relief after encountering several riders that would pass me and then immediately slow down that required me to slow down in order to avoid any drafting penalties or an accident. It was particularly annoying when one rider continued to pass me, slow down, and seemingly use a passive-aggressive strategy of immediately slowing down. I eventually felt a surge of energy toward the end and was determined to get far enough ahead so that individual could no longer negatively affect my ride.

Overall, my gear shifting proficiency on the bike became the true test on this technical course. My mental strategy also changed course midway into the ride with the ambition to simply finish. It’s particularly difficult when being passed by numerous athletes yet important that my self-talk continued to be optimistic. I was pleased to share excitement for the two SFQ teammates that passed and yelled, ‘go smash sister.’ I was truly ecstatic for them as they appeared strong while enjoying a great ride. It was equally exciting to see a few pros as I set off on the second loop of the ride – seeing the first place female crush the course was unreal.

Another important side note that affected my overall mindset was the fact that I had yet to see my hubby on the bike course. Typically he catches up to me midway on the ride. Looking back, I believe we both stopped at one of the aid stations porta-john as I thought I heard his voice with one of the volunteers. After waiting a moment, I figured he’d quickly catch up to me. However, after making the second loop turn, I started to worry that something happened. He experienced a few bike issues on a longer training ride just weeks before the race, though we have an amazing bike mechanic that helped us and all seemed good to go; yet we knew there was a risk that a similar situation could arise. I hoped it was a slight mechanical issue rather than an accident since that would absolutely crush me and I’d be done with the race. While trying to put that worry aside, remaining confident in Matt’s strength and wisdom, I knew there were plenty of volunteers and riders to look out for one another and ensure his safety. I also wondered if I might see Ben and/or his family members who could perhaps provide an update about Matt (we completely forgot, due to excitement around the race, to ask one another what jerseys we’d be wearing so we could recognize each other on the course). Another side note during the end of the ride was realizing I’d made a fairly rookie oversight of putting a long sleeve shirt in my bike special needs bag instead of the run special needs bag….. At least I was able to shove the run shirt in my bike vest back pocket since the special needs bags weren’t going to be returned to athletes. I, therefore, had to hope for the best on the run with my bike arm warmers.

Eventually, I let go of looking at my pace and simply focused on finishing the bike course. Many mind games were played to get me through the 112-mile bike ride to include: self-mantras, looking toward the next 15 miles, thinking about similar rides at home, and maintaining optimism for my efforts leading up to this day. It was an absolute relief to hit the lollipop return to T2. I began to envision the Monona terrace. The actual moment I turned my bike in that direction provided ultimate satisfaction. It’s so satisfying when you’re greeted by a volunteer at the bike finish who kindly takes your bike and racks it while you enter T2. Again the wall to wall crowds lined the inside and perimeter of the convention center where we ran in to get our run bags and head into the changing area. Another 1:1 amazing volunteer greeted me with hugs and helped me get ready for the marathon. She was positive, encouraging and just what I needed after a grueling ride. I was also mentally preparing for the run wondering if my legs would hold up after a few Jell-O leg moments getting off the bike at aid stations. She helped me get my bike gear off and into the T2 bag while getting me water and nutrition before heading out. I was glad to get a laugh out of both of us when I said that I needed to take a layer of bike shorts off. She was worried that I didn’t have any other gear to wear and that I was bare underneath. Much to her dismay, while we shared in laughter, I had the same lighter tri-bike shorts underneath. I mentioned to her that I needed all the layers I could get on the bike to protect the undercarriage. After my run socks, shoes, hat, arm warmers were in place, it was off to the porta-john for what felt like the 10 millionth time.

I then found myself quickly heading to the start of the marathon course. I was shocked that my legs felt great. It was special to see our team SFQ spectathletes again at the beginning of the run when they were taking great pics and video as I passed by with a big smile. Similar to the two previous sports, I started the run course feeling pretty good and hoped I could maintain or at least keep my goal of running between aid stations that were every mile on the marathon. A few miles into the run, I noticed a male runner was keeping a similar pace. I was pleased to stay together for several miles, motivating one another to keep 8:30-9:30 pace for about 5+ miles. At about mile 8, I found a need to drop back to a pace closer to a 10+ mi pace, which I was absolutely thrilled with as well.

In the midst of the run, I continued to spot tall men hoping it was Matt. However, I realized we’d either missed one another on the run through the football stadium or something had gone array (hoping for the former rather than the latter). I was therefore relieved to see our lovely teammate Deanna just before making the second loop. I asked if she could please check the tracker to make sure he was okay before I turned around in a half-mile. At the second loop turn, athletes pass the finish line (a painful point on the run when you wish you were going down the red carpet to finish rather than preparing for another long loop). However, I was distracted by the cheers and desire to find out about Matt. Deanna thoughtfully kept pace with me to share that Matt made it back to transition on his bike, though he may have missed the cutoff. We agreed that it must have been due to mechanical issues rather than an accident. I was absolutely in shock though incredibly relieved to hear that he must be safe and sound. The update provided me the peace of mind to finish out the run as I presumed he’d want that for me even though I’d prefer to finish with him by my side (more to follow on Matt’s story shortly).

During the first run loop I was excited to hear a familiar athletes voice (Taryn – aka ‘T’) cheering me on as she swooped by with her powerful run form (the author of 35 by 35: A Runner’s Quest) – especially since she’s served as a consistent inspiration and provided enjoyable weekly blogs and videos about her triathlete journey (especially after watching her smash Kona last year). However, shortly thereafter, I was stunned and saddened to pass by her when she began walking (albeit on her second loop) likely due to an ongoing situation with her foot/toe. A big part of me wanted to stop and walk with her to provide support, though knowing her personality, I was certain she’d encourage me to continue as long as I could tolerate. Consistently, I wanted to stop and walk with two other smash sisters I saw walking on the course. I privately shared encouragement for them when we passed one another on the run. I hoped they understood that I was with them in spirit, hoping they weren’t injured while needing to maintain my 4th wind of the long arduous day. Alternatively, I was ecstatic for two other smash sisters who appeared to be having an amazing race day as they ran past me the other direction at steady speeds (congrats Jen and Jennifer).

Meanwhile, on the run, my nutrition was limited as usual to sucking on oranges, drinking water, and eventually trying coke for the first time in over 10 years. On the second half-marathon, my pace gradually slowed and my personal goal of solely walking at aid stations incorporated walking on large ascent hills. Then the crushing consequence of injury nuisance led to my knees practically locking up. Combined with the chest pain, it seemed wise to begin walking around mile 18-22 and running when my knees could withstand the compact. Just before this downward spiral, it began to rain heavily as the sun was setting, leading to a drastic shift in my body temperature. At some point, a volunteer noticed that my body was shaking and ran to get a garbage sack. She noticed I went to the porta-john and waited for me to come out with holes prepped in the sack for my head and arms. She even walked/ran with me for a bit while tying it in a back knot so there wasn’t a drag shall I muster the ability to keep a steady run again. I hugged and thanked her for saving me from possible hypothermia – mentioning my long sleeve reserve getting mixed up in the wrong bag. I desperately wanted to run motivated by the desire to finish and get warmed up. Luckily I had forgotten all about my left bruised/blacked toenail that I was sure would fall off after the marathon. Unfortunately, I was served with a new issue of blisters on the bottom of my right foot given the number of puddles I’d run/walked through that created too much friction.

The good news is that I didn’t even feel the blisters until after the run since my feet were fairly numb from the cold/pounding. Alternatively, I began enjoying the amazing athlete connections that occur when walking and enjoyed a few conversations with a 13-time ironman, a man that wasn’t able to finish IMWI two years prior, and many more amazing people putting in the final grind for the finish line. It was heartbreaking to see some fellow athletes making their second loop as I came to the finish and the pacer following close behind to pull runners at the cutoff time. I was especially touched by three teamed up athletes who were pushing disabled family members in running strollers. I loudly cheered for them as they passed sharing my amazement in their accomplishments of the day (pulling the family member during the swim, pulling them behind their bike, and pushing them on the run was no small feat).

It seemed that the final stretch of the run took forever, especially running through multiple dark places on the run. Perhaps in hindsight, it wasn’t the best decision to remove our shoe lights from our transition bags. We had great hopes that running lights wouldn’t be needed and if we did get caught in the dark there would be decent course lighting. Lighting became a distant thought as I ran down the final main street. I began ripping off the garbage bag feeling a surge of energy to run the last mile toward the finish line. A few onlookers began cheering me on and helped me dispose of the bag and my second pair of hand warmers (a lifesaver obtained in the running special needs bag). As soon I made the last turn and saw the red carpet there was the face I wanted to see all day long, Matt. He was proudly filming and cheering me on with our buddy Ben and his family. I raised my hands high and kept running since stopping at that point could have led to cramping. I usually give high fives/hugs though I was afraid of stopping and knew we’d embrace shortly. I then heard Mike Riley’s magical voice for the second time that day saying, ‘Ashley Bittle you are an Ironman.’ I finished with a piercing smile coupled with anguish from pain and disappointment. At the same time beyond grateful to have simply finished. Of course, to wrap up the race day, volunteers at the finish are beyond amazing – embracing us, placing a medal around our neck, giving us a finisher hat/shirt, and making sure we’re medically stable. My particular volunteer went as far as to walk me out to Matt and Ben’s family to make sure I was in good hands as she could see that I had been quite cold, in pain, and slightly delirious (from sleep deprivation and grind of the race day). I hugged the volunteer twice thanking her for the lovely support and embraced Matt for the long-awaited sweaty kiss/hug that we’ve given each other at the end of our 11+ IM races.

I must qualify my finish with the fact that I share the IMWI medal with Matt who is a true vision of resilience and warrior mentality. His journey was unbelievable given that the water was rougher when he entered, which is heart-wrenching when he’s easily capable of finishing under an hour and a half – we wished he’d turned on his watch to track the true distance of his swim since he speculates completing hundreds of extra yards due to the conditions. As for the bike course, he ended up riding a majority of the course with a broken spoke (since mile 30); rode an extra 10 miles at the midpoint given that he was isolated from athletes at that time and he accidentally made a left turn when we were supposed to go straight; and a second spoke broke just a couple miles away from the finish. This final broken spoke led to his bike being unrideable so he ended up walking the last few meters. As he neared the Monona helix a support vehicle approached him from behind and said that while he was at the transition, he missed the cut off by 2 minutes!! He relayed a true sense of disappointment while knowing that the mechanical issues were entirely out of his control aside from asking support vehicles for any spare tire rims (unfortunately unavailable).

Matt’s my constant inspiration since I likely would have thrown my bike out at mile 30 when his first hiccup occurred; especially as his back tire break began rubbing soon thereafter on one of the toughest technical IM courses we’ve faced thus far – the ascent hills are no joke aside from any additional mechanical barriers. When this situation happened before I’ve also noticed that his wheel wobbles back and forth leading to decreased efficiency and a potentially treacherous situation. I’m therefore grateful he didn’t crash on any descents since I picked up speeds in the ’30s at times. A testament of perseverance given the perfect storm of events. I also immensely appreciated his ability to push past the disappointment and find a way to cheer on Ben and me at the finish – I’ll share the video soon with the caveat that I was elated and shared some profanity about the course.

Finally, I’ll provide a brief update about my right knee and chest pain incurred before, during, and after the race. I decided not to get checked out by medical at the finish since I was feeling better and it seemed more consistent with muscular issues. It also dawned on me earlier in the day that I’d made another rookie move and did more pushups/chaturangas in yoga a few days before our departure that could have led to the chest pain. I didn’t think much of it since I’d regularly engaged in some sort of yoga, strength training leading up to the race; yet this was a new class with a different style and I probably pushed myself too far. After continued monitoring and noticing that the chest pain seemed to lessen with ibuprofen, rest, and nourishment we enjoyed our extra day in Madison. We had the opportunity to hang out briefly with Ben’s family before they returned to MN. I, therefore, decided it would be safe to contact my PCM when we returned to CA and schedule the soonest available appointment for safety precautions. We then checked out another plant-based café/yoga studio that was actually located on the bike course (joking that we ought to have stopped and enjoyed a break). The food was superb and felt healing. We also reveled in the joy of vegging out that night watching standup comedy, movies, and devouring total relaxation. I enjoyed a complimentary sangria at the hotel that night and noticed I didn’t really miss alcohol. My desire to continue minimal use and/or mostly abstinence is to prevent inflammation/bloating/etc. and continue my positive momentum in combating endometriosis. Additionally, my genetic predisposition to alcoholism is also a factor to be considered. I’m fortunate to have been scathed from addiction at this point in my life, yet I’m acutely aware of the slippery slope. Perhaps from time to time, I’ll enjoy an occasional drink, though it’s refreshing to acknowledge that I don’t really need it to feel good, celebrate, or enjoy situations.

The next day we hit the road for Chicago after our final complimentary oatmeal at the hotel. We decided to go a different direction and check out a Milwaukee vegan café. We found the coolest quaint spot (On the Bus) inside the public market – super cool vibe with amazing Panini/lunch options. We hoped to walk around the city for a bit before the next leg of the road trip, however, the heavy rain shifted our journey back to the road. It was probably best since we wanted to settle into our Chicago hotel and prepare for another vegan feast. I joked with Matt that while my Garmin said I burned 6,500+ calories on race day, likely a huge underestimate, I seemed to be an empty crevasse, eating nonstop. I knew that in due time I’d be back at it to burn everything off without a worry. We, therefore, enjoyed every moment to the fullest without guilt; a much easier feat when eating vegan meals. Next up was dinner at The Chicago House of ‘Za where we devoured a deep dish pizza that was out of this world. The homemade cashew cheese sauce and seitan sausage were divine! It was refreshing to know we were supporting a quaint family business that appeared to be getting a great deal of positive attention/crowds.

Upon arriving in CA the following mid-morning we also enjoyed our favorite local joint (Seabirds Kitchen) for linner. Once we got home the unpacking debacle began and I scheduled my medical appointment while preparing for my return to work. Fortunately, I was able to get a next day appointment with the PCM to determine the cause of my chest pain. The NP covering for my PCM was kind and thorough, sharing that she was impressed with the Ironman accomplishment while commending me for obtaining a proper chest pain assessment. She ordered numerous labs for the following day while fasting and completed/reviewed an EKG. Her preliminary assessment indicated that it was likely musculoskeletal though, given my family history and mom’s ongoing issues with CHF/afib and both parents experience with CVAs, she wanted to refer me to a cardiologist for an additional specialty consult.

After four vials of blood were drawn the next day, I was quite relieved to hear that my labs were perfectly normal. In fact, I received the usual feedback that my labs looked amazing and to keep doing whatever it is I was doing. I typically respond with that’s great news and I credit my good health to a plant-based lifestyle. Upon contacting the cardiologist, they were able to immediately schedule me two days later for an assessment. Another EKG was conducted and showed consistent WNL results. The cardiologist agreed with the NP and provided a preliminary assessment that noted a musculoskeletal explanation for the chest pain. The cardiologist also recommended an echocardiogram as a safety precaution to support ongoing stable recovery (he also smiled and shared the impression that my stress trest was already completed at IMWI). I had the echocardiogram completed last Friday and was immediately notified about the ‘normal’ results. I experienced a huge sense of relief when I received the news and shared with family members who were concerned about my symptoms. Hence the reason for my delayed race report as I wanted to wait for the final results rather than share the experience without a resolution. I’m pleased that my heart remains strong and healthy. As for my knee, I’m continuing rehab with daily yoga and plans to slowly build back with strength training. I have an appointment with an orthopedic physician in October to determine whether an MRI is indicated to determine the protocol. I also plan to request a podiatry referral to ensure my orthopedics remain intact due to the blisters incurred. I remain optimistic that my body is resilient and will continue to withstand years of wear and tear. As I approach another year around the sun, I feel grateful for everything I’ve been able to accomplish and feel stronger in my 40’s than any other time in my life. I welcome what 2020 will bring for race season and any potential new life developments.

Sending peace, light, and love to anyone brave enough to conquer Ironman – especially all those rad women out there crushing the field, making a name for themselves, and providing inspiration!

With Immense Gratitude,

Namaste